a world where anything is possible.

shirt from forever 21, makeup from sugar pill, heavenly naturals

I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see.
I'm going to show them a world without you.
A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries.
A world where anything is possible.
Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.
~The Matrix (1999)

Just another day for me. I spent most of the nights of this week not sleeping and just bumming and doing homework.

I've also decided for the past couple weeks to start working out and keeping a food diary. I feel like the emo-ness of keeping a food diary has always kept me from actually doing it, but at the way that I stress eat and the way that I avoid exercise, I think it needs to be done. While doing my make up this morning I was thinking to myself that I work so hard to make sure my eyes and face look nice but I don't seem to care about my body. I eat badly and in large portions or sometimes not at all, I never exercise and when I do I get so sore that it scares me from doing it again, I constantly have self esteem issues about my weight and have for a long time, and I have no self control. Of course, I have tried to diet and lose weight before but it was always to no avail. I can honestly say that I have never had a time when I lost a bunch of weight only to put it back, typically I have gained weight consistently and depressingly.

Anyways, with that decided I thought maybe I should compose a different blog about my food/exercise adventures. At first, I considered Tumblr, but then I realized that with Tumblr I get distracted way too easily and would more likely spend my time looking at photos than blogging. I also considered Twitter but that seemed way too public. Finally, I just settled on another blogger, one where I can put my food/exercise journal daily. I will bring it up soon when I figure out a name for it.

5 cosmetic can't live without's

all images courtesy of google images

So I've decided to add some purpose to this blog by periodically putting up what I like to call useless time-wasting lists of awesome. The first of these list series is 'Can't Live Without's' (aka CLWO), where I have five things I can't live without based on a theme, i.e. cosmetics.

5 Cosmetic Can't Live Without's:

1.  Schweppes Sparkling Pink Grapefruit Lip Balm SPF 15: This is by far my favorite lip product, I use it to prime my lips before putting on anything and despite its food based name it comes in an awesome classy tin that looks nothing like a lipbalm tin. The product is not too thick and not overwhelming in smell, in fact it does not smell like anything, but just a thin coat of it gives you a healthy gloss to your lips and also is quite moisturizing. For three bucks at Sephora I should have bought all of them.
   Cost $3 at Sephora
2. Vaseline: Despite the slightly sexual connotations that I get when I see the word Vaseline, I love it so much. During the winter, when my knuckles are peeling from wind damage from biking, a heavy coat of this petroleum jelly is the best. When my heels are dry and crackly, a glob of this and a full night of socks is just what it needs. During the summer, when I just need a natural cheek highlight for a day of swimming and fun, a thin layer on your cheekbones does wonders. Because it's 100% petroleum jelly, it's non-toxic and totally safe. It protects skin and is even a great makeup remover. I think I would die if I didn't have this with me wherever I went.
   Cost $1 at Target for the 1.75 oz
3. MAC Kohl Power Eye Pencil in Feline: I've heard good and bad things about this, but for a girl who has struggled with eyeliner all her life and loved it at the same time, this is my favorite eyeliner by far. It's the blackest black, which tends to my needs since my hair is a blackest black as well and I don't like charcoal liners which makes me feel weird. The formula is smooth and it applies like a dream. Anyone worried about smudging can take it from me, dab black eyeshadow on that sucker after you apply it to your waterline and you're good to go.
   Cost $14.50 at MAC
4. China Glaze Nail Laquer in Dorothy Who?: I have a lot of makeup and I can hands down say that this is my all time favorite nail polish. For some people it's hard to choose, for me it's not a question. I don't think I would care too much if I just replaced every single bottle I owned with this beautiful blue. My heart soared when it became a permanent in the line, especially since I didn't have to scour the internet to find it. I firmly believe this color looks great on anyone and it goes great with any nail length. It's girly but quirky but classy. Ok, after this, I'm applying a coat of it onto my nails.
   Cost $6.00 at Sally's or Ulta
5. Dental Floss: I used to hate flossing when I was a kid, but I can't get enough of it now. It may be because I no longer have dental insurance, but I have been taking care of my teeth so much lately, especially since I intake so much coffee, but I can't seem to stop flossing. Brushing no longer completes me like it did. I need floss as well. I guess my dentist can thank me the next time I have enough money to go see him again.
   Cost $1.25 at local drug store

lunch time vs crunch time.

credit google images

To quote a friend of mine:

Lazy at lunch time,
Crazy at crunch time.

 Crunch time can be defined as the time when you seriously need to get shit done, and you actually do it. My previous posts can justify that I am quite a procrastinator, and right now, even during crunch time, I am procrastinating. I'm leading it up to the Vietnamese coffee I just had, which was the best thing ever (condensed milk and caffeine). Despite having an essay and midterm tomorrow due, I still think that tonight was an accomplishment. I helped people in many different ways, solving big and small problems. My dessert was coffee and a possible all nighter. I at least have to stay up until 5:30AM so that I can call my dad and wish him a good trip to China.

Well, back to crunch time... after I check Facebook.

time warp.

credit google images

Have you ever noticed that on weekends, the time seems to move much faster and much slower at the same time? On a school day, it's the same thing, you wake up, rush to class, come back, eat, nap, do homework, hang with friends, crash, repeat. It's all rushed, you're body is aching, the slow moments only happen in lectures when the enigmatic words of your professor turn to mush and slide together into a sweet drone that lulls you to sleep. But on weekends, it's different. It all happens the minute you end class on Friday afternoon (or Thursday, for those lucky people who get Fridays off, although I still consider it a pseudo-Friday if that's the case), that one hour right after, you feel as if you are totally free. There is literally nothing to cram for. That midterm on Monday is three days away and you are free to do whatever you want. This may or may not linger onto Friday night, where you'll either be partying with your friends or chatting online, both equal time wasters in homework's eye. And so Friday passes.

Saturday comes and you wake up all too late (probably around 2pm?) and already half the day has gone by. On any normal weekday waking up at 2pm means you have missed lecture, lab, recitation, and a good hour of studying, but on a weekend it is almost a crime to get out of bed before noon. The feeling of freedom that you had on Friday has not yet disappeared (though the hangover from the cause of Friday may come into effect) and you wake up to brunch, a well loved meal by all people who wake up late, and Saturday morning television. What was once cartoons for my youth, is now infomercials, I just can't get enough of the Magic Bullet (insert dirty joke here). Of course brunch is over and you head over to your computer, pull out your homework, and tell yourself "I'm going to get started early today". But of course, just because your books are there, doesn't mean anyone's using them, especially when Facebook is there for you as well. You open all your Power Points and you make sure everything is ready...only to start about six hours later after you have told your friends that you are finally going to start on homework. This is the time when I think most people who like to get started on stuff early start homework, either that or it's something that requires long term commitment like an essay or a final. So you're up late Saturday night because you know Sunday, you can wake up late anyways.

Sunday arrives and it's the feeling you get when you wake up Sunday, that pulls everything into perspective. It's the day before Monday. That's what we all know it as and what we all dread, might as well rename it. So depending on your religion, you'll either be pulled up way early to church, or just pulled up early to clean the house, either way, there's always something to ruin a good late rise on Sunday. If you're still on campus, the late rise becomes a guilt trip. No time for brunch this morning because you realize that tomorrow, MONDAY, you have a paper due. Although that still isn't enough to really kick your butt in gear, because in your mind it's still technically a weekend. So you pull everything out and get back on Facebook. Hours go by and it's time for lunch. You stop and eat only to realize that you are out of food or out of something crucial that requires you to leave the house. This is the most dangerous step in procrastination, leaving the area that you need to be in. Leaving the house, the obligations of homework and duties don't weigh as heavily. So maybe you stop at the mall or shopping center for food, then Starbucks for dessert. Of course you can't just go home, you have to pick up some stuff and a little walking after food never hurt anyone. Two hours and forty-five dollars later, you're waiting for the line to the cash register with what you actually needed in the first place, checking your phone of the time. You start calculating. Ok, I have a test tomorrow and reading and an essay. Which one should I do first? I'll write the essay and take a break and study. I'll finish the essay and read until I pass out. Time is slowly becoming faster. No time for infomercials, it's crunch time. It feels like eternity getting home, you hit all the red lights, there's an accident on the highway, you are plagued with bad drivers. Finally you're home and you block Facebook for the rest of the night.

Monday rolls around and you skip your first hour lecture, despite needing to know the information, rush to your test (fail mildly), turn in your essay, finish the last of your reading (totally unabsorbed), try to discuss it, eat, nap, study, repeat.

aquatic nocturne.

credit behance network

aquatic nocturne , sylvia plath

deep in liquid
turquoise slivers
of dilute light

quiver in thin streaks
of bright tinfoil
on mobile jet:

pale flounder
waver by
tilting silver:

in the shallows
agile minnows
flicker gilt:

grapeblue mussels
dilate lithe and
pliant valves:

dull lunar globes
of blubous jellyfish
glow milkgreen:

eels twirl
in wily spirals
on elusive tails:

adroir lobsters
amble darkly olive
on shrewd claws:

down where sound
comes blunt and wan
like the bronze tone
of a sunken gong.

Despite being drawn several times to starting a blog, the idea of putting personal thoughts on the web has always been slightly embarrassing if not arrogant. The idea that someone out there, someone that has never met me, and who I have never met, might be reading about my inner most thoughts and my personal life is disturbing for me. They would judge me on the words I write here and no on who I am. Which is why I say this, my friends, for you are my friends if you have been so kind to take time out of your day and read this blog (and if not, then please leave, you're not wanted), this world is filled with people who will judge you on what you say without knowing you, they will judge you on what you wear without seeing you, they will judge you on what you do without understanding you; no one likes those kinds of people, please don't judge me based on my writings here. I promise you that my writing will be, at times, pointless, emotional, petty, stupid, childish, and possibly prophetic.

I have always thought of people who believed their word so important that it needed to be published into words and put onto the internet to be arrogant, and therefore it deterred me more into starting an actual blog. For if I thought that, I surely would not be the only one. Therefore, I return to my first point, judgment and assumptions will not be permitted. As a human being, I live several lives. I have a home life, a school life, an online life, a personal life, and now, I have a blog life. What I say here may bleed over to my other lives and you do not need to care nor do you need to say anything to things you do not understand or refuse to accept.

With all the disclaimers aside, I leave you with the poem above. I'm sure there is a deep meaning behind every line that I have yet to discover, but for now, just read the poem by Ms. Plath and be at peace with the beautiful imagery that caught my eye and inspired the title of this blog.